One More Beginning

I believe I have had a change of heart. So much of my life has been about fulfilling immediate fascinations and needs, that the lessons learned from long term challenges has escaped me. Knowing that "this is how it goes..." can mean anything and as I continue to learn about myself, that is what I want to share.

This may mean I post some difficult content from time to time, but that is more who I am than anything else.

This story I saw today has given me a change of heart. I want to share it with you so that maybe you too can be influenced by it. There really isn't much to say....because the content speaks for itself. Take from it what you will, but know that I have been redirected by it.

Preparing the Long Goodbye

As it goes with my inanely tempermental existence in Dutchland, I am on the way out again. I normally only go in one direction (East) and stop just short of every country except the RF. It has been since March since I have been there, so I can only relish the thought of another bit of time off when I am done. Six weeks will pass like a seven year old at bedtime....S.L.O.W.L.Y with a few temper tantrums thrown in.

My enjoyment of all things Red for six weeks is fulfilled in the first few days. Casual "hello's" and "goodbye's" to colleagues and friends, and then it is buckle down to the monotony that follows. With each trip I ask myself why I keep doing this; bad food, bad attitudes, bad working conditions, bad times missing friends, family, and lovers. It is amazing what I will do for the lifestyle I keep. It is difficult to appreciate how the days drone on to others. Those with dead-end jobs and boring lives think that the travel and experience is "fantastic". Well, it is, once or twice. Yet when your bed is only as big as you are....

This will be my fourteenth trip to the RF in under three years, most of them never lasting less that three weeks at a time. That's a minimum of 24 days (21 on site, 3 for travel) of being treated like a political prisoner. I have tried to convince the RF that even prisoners have cable television and internet as well as edible food, to no avail. There just isn't any reasoning with them.

So I will lose a minimum of 7 kilos, will abuse the pathetic gym equipment they have, and will do my best to find the cameras that are hidden in my room. Oh yeah, and to not masturbate until I do; find those cameras that is. It is either that, or YouTube here I come (pun intended).

If you have read the previous post

To those who have partaken of the didactic candy that was in this last post, please consider yourselves somewhat fortunate. I have had a change of heart as to the direction of this blog. Call it buyers remorse, beginners luck, or what ever turn of phrase that suits. I want my words to be more that just a way to remember how I "got off" when I was "___" years old. I will always have that in my mind, and when my mind goes...I would not know what I was missing anyway.

So, if you have looked to share this story with others, I am flattered...and I do hope you return here for more inspirational stories.

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"Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious. I have tried prudent planning long enough. From now on I'll be mad."

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

Thought Moments

Chairman, Department of Redundancy Department

It only seems fitting to return to this blog a year after it's inception. To revisit the goings on would be moot. So...let's go forward, shall we?

I called in sick today after stubbing my toe whilst extracting myself from a purple latex thong I wore to bed. It seemed only fair. I couldn't wear it to work again. Too many people taking notice of my man-toe. That is embarrassing considering the effort it took to cram it all in there. I did buy a small after all, so it only seems fitting that it not be fitting.

Had a morning-mare of me yelling at my mother for letting herself into a house I have never been in, after she had taken my ex-wife's dog to the vet to get another chip placed in his ear. He already had one, but that didn't matter to her as she had been sent on this errand by the ex herself. She wouldn't listen to me and had chosen to be on the side of my ex, who oddly enough was not there. Hell, why was I there? Mother had chosen the ex over her own son, which is why I was yelling.

"Some mornings it is just not worth chewing through the leather straps" Emo Phillips

I am having an "Emo" sort of day. Random, meaningless, apathetic...but in a comical, falsetto sort of way.